Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
