but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Enjoy the penises
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
