carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
