Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Randomize
