I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
