You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
