You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
