Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Buhtt sex?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
