I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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