I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
