dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he shaved USA in his pubs
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
