I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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