dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
