Someone shit on the floor
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am naked and annoyed.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
