also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
