I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
