Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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