don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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