i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i wish my penis had a tongue
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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