I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
