What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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