so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
