they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
