I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
