I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
