on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
