I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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