i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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