I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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