I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
