Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
