What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
