Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
