dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
