Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
