Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
