You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
