Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
