I wanna bring you to show and tell
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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