physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
