We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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