We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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