i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
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Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
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To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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