she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
