Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
