I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
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Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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