i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i dont even know how to be here
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
