I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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