I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
your room smells of hookers.
And success
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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