My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize