we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
