I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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