You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
