there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
