I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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