Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
