So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
smell my finger.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
