I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
