Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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