Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
