So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
