We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
