My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
