Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
do herpes really smell.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
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It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
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Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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