Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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