You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
